World Cup Jokes
1)
Did you hear NZ Post has just recalled their latest batch of stamps?
They had photos of all blacks on them & people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
2)
Graham Henry has a busy day and tells the team just to practice passing round some plastic cones for training.
After 80 mins he says them trudging back looking depressed.
“How did the session go lads” he asks
Richie McCaw replies “The cones won 18-12″
"I’ll get my coat."
3)
Did you hear about the NZ politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
4)
Q: What do you call an Australian at the RWC final?
A: Ref.
5) Wayne Barnes walks into a sperm donor bank.
“I’d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Wayne “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I’ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you’re going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?”
“Why do I need help?” asks Wayne . The receptionist replies
“Well, it says on your record that you’re a useless wanker….”
6) Q: What have the All Blacks got in common with a three pin plug?
A: Both are useless in Wales…
7) On a tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the north coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, Wayne Barnes struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing Graham Henry, Richie McCaw and Anton Oliver roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, Richie McCaw took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Wayne Barnes from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Wayne into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some hooligan elements and vindictive people upset by the result of the match but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that you are truly enlightened examples of cultural harmony and could serve as a model which other peoples could follow.”
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, Graham Henry asked the others, “Who was that?”
“That,” Anton Oliver answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” Richie McCaw replied, “he knows fuck all about shark hunting. How’s that bait holding up?”.
8) John Kirwan has been appointed the new All Blacks coach because at least he knows how to deal with depression.
Anyway go England - time to destroy those frogs.
England vs SA in the final.
NZ was always overrated at 1.7 odds even discounting the 'choke factor'.
Did you hear NZ Post has just recalled their latest batch of stamps?
They had photos of all blacks on them & people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
2)
Graham Henry has a busy day and tells the team just to practice passing round some plastic cones for training.
After 80 mins he says them trudging back looking depressed.
“How did the session go lads” he asks
Richie McCaw replies “The cones won 18-12″
"I’ll get my coat."
3)
Did you hear about the NZ politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
4)
Q: What do you call an Australian at the RWC final?
A: Ref.
5) Wayne Barnes walks into a sperm donor bank.
“I’d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Wayne “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I’ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you’re going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?”
“Why do I need help?” asks Wayne . The receptionist replies
“Well, it says on your record that you’re a useless wanker….”
6) Q: What have the All Blacks got in common with a three pin plug?
A: Both are useless in Wales…
7) On a tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the north coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, Wayne Barnes struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing Graham Henry, Richie McCaw and Anton Oliver roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, Richie McCaw took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Wayne Barnes from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Wayne into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some hooligan elements and vindictive people upset by the result of the match but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that you are truly enlightened examples of cultural harmony and could serve as a model which other peoples could follow.”
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, Graham Henry asked the others, “Who was that?”
“That,” Anton Oliver answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” Richie McCaw replied, “he knows fuck all about shark hunting. How’s that bait holding up?”.
8) John Kirwan has been appointed the new All Blacks coach because at least he knows how to deal with depression.
Anyway go England - time to destroy those frogs.
England vs SA in the final.
NZ was always overrated at 1.7 odds even discounting the 'choke factor'.
posted by Genius at 12:13 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home